I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize