It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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