Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize