I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
