yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
