please come you make the beer taste better
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
