I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
