I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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