Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Who died my cat blue again?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
