he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
