I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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