dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
