...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
