my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
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That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
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Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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