You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
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Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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