Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
