I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
