You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
