her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
