I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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