What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
