So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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