This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
