I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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