..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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