Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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