dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
