so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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