just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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