I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
