youre lurking in front of me
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
