I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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