i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
