Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
