dude i'm inner monologue high
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i drank out of a bidet.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
