Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
