We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
