My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
