So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
