I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
