yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
