I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
