When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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