i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
