i was rollin on her like bob the builder
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
