Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
