and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
