Ambien. No doubt about it.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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