Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
