I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my phone needs a breathalizer
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
