i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
