I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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