remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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