There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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