You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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