i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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