dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
