also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
