The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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