they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
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every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
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Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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