i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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