you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
