the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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