Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
In America we eat man semen.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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