i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
