speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
