Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
